A break through?

I went to see one of my MND service user this afternoon. 
Social workers rarely have cases more than 6 months but 
it was agreed that with MND cases I see through the whole process 
e.g. till they die. Reason being, the cases are often
complex and changes can occur relatively quickly. 
I had four MND cases two service users passes away and 
the remain two service users are doing well. 

Jane* was diagnosed in March 2010 and I assisted her
discharge from hospital to moving into an accessible house
with her family. Long process! She has two children aged 19 and 14. 
She is a faithful christian who firmly believes that God will cure her. 
I can understand where she is coming from but her belief
sometimes hindered some of the provisions for the family as whole. 
She has been quite reluctant to talk about her future plans. 
However, I use the trust I have built over the year to suggest 
whether she will be interested in drawing up a will. 
I used my personal experience of talking about a will with 
my parents as I wanted to respect their dignity and wishes. 


I was so pleased that I was able to discuss about this sensitive issue
with lots of laughter and joy rather than anything else. 
I was quite nervous to start the topic but it just came along quite naturally. 
She paused a little at first but she relaxed as I talked about 
my own experience. I will take this very slowly and gently
with the palliative care team and I hope this will empower Jane 
to have more choices of what she wants for her. 
Yes, I do wish that she has a 'good death' with all the things 
in place with the blessing from her family. 

I am quite happy about today's visit and 
I can go off Tango dancing with a joyful heart!!!

*Jane's name has been altered due to confidentiality.   

Connection...인연...

People make numerous connections with others

throughout their life time intentionally or unintentionally.

Is it always a matter of choice or does it just happen?

Of course, sometimes they last and sometimes they fad away.

I met a friend I met at Taize last summer, first time in 8 months

and the impact was extraordinary. She invited me to a talk

that was inspiring and challenging thinking about who I am

as human being before God. However, things that happened

to her was interesting and her energy was so positive and powerful!

It was so beautiful how she reflected her experience, 

something that I was missing.....

I was filled with joy after seeing her and listening to the talk.

It is just fascinating to meet her today and to discuss some

of the areas that I have been contemplating on recently.

It really was a moment that God is working and guiding towards

what I need at this point of time. I am meeting another friend from

Taize tomorrow and one more next week.

I believe in God working through people and letting me meet the right

people at the right time. I think I am lead to what I am meant to do

in future as he always did for me. I need some pauses in life...I know that...

Kids dancing salsa in Camaguey, Cuba

A thought....

'Human kind connot bear very much reality.' 
                                     
                                                   T.S.Eliot

Kissin @ Barbican Hall

Evgeny Kissin
Barbican Hall @7.30pm


Liszt Ricordanza (Etude d'Execution Transcendante No 9)
Liszt Sonata in B minor
Liszt Funerrailles
Liszt Vallee d'Obermann
Liszt Venezia e Napoli (Gondoliera, Canzona, Tarantella)

Mobile phone camera is crap!

It was absolutely delightful! My first recital of Kissin. 

Recitals are more intimate than concerto solos

and that single piano on stage was enough to 

impress everyone in the hall (near sold out concert).

I have not realised how difficult and challenging 

Liszt's works could be, of course honey to your ears 

played by Kissin. He was amazing! 

People just did not leave and Kissin played two on-call pieces.

Paul Gauguin

Tate Modern

30 Sept 2010 - 16 Jan 2011

 

I went to see Gauguin's exhibition at the end of Oct 2010

but I just could not write about it. 

He is one of my favourite artist among all 

and read so much about him and I loved him. 

However, seeing so much of his work at once was

I think quite overwhelming in a negative way.  

This is the first exhibition that I felt depressed afterwards.

Not sure if you know what I mean....

I guess I was so attached to Gauguin and admired his works

to an extend that I even engaged at an emotional level.  

**************

I first encounter with Gauguin was not through his art works 

but through 'The moon and sixpense' by Somerset Maugham

when I was a teenager who had wild imaginations.

It gave me a sense of freedom in how he was living his life. 

Then shortly after I saw the film 'Total Eclipse' which 

reminded me of the life of Gauguin though it is based on 

a French poet, Rimbaud. I enjoyed the film but it did not 

get good reviews and Dicaprio commented that it was his worst film.

**************

I got to see some of the pieces that I really wanted to see. 

I preferred his earlier works and I was surprised that 

I felt quite sad seeing this late works where his 

fantasies and dreams come to live

and his primitiveness that I liked is mostly reflected.

Discovering so much of his calculated aspect of 

his work and approach to art may have put me off 

slightly as I don't only enjoy his painting on its own

but his values and attitude towards his art which was

disappointing at times. Of course, there is no doubt 

that he was a great artist but it was my relationship 

with him that had some discrepancy that I found 

difficult to come to terms with.  

 Tate Modern was using an iPod 

for its audio guide which was quite impressive. 

I was tempted to just run away with it!

 

Appraisal 2010-2011

Yes, it is about time again. 
Last year has gone past so quickly that I cannot 
recall some of the things I did, personally and professionally. 
I had my appraisal with my line manager few days ago and 
I think(!) I have achieved all the targets. We discussed my weak points too. 
Dealing with difficult people is particularly hard for me. 

I become very distressed and upset sometimes, which I shouldn't
take it personally but it does hit you personally at first. 
I have to think about some of the coping strategies when a conversation 
becomes unmanageable and aggressive.
I had a case de-allocated as I could not work with the partner of one of 
my service users. He was very hard on me and I broke down in tears 
one day talking to him, but he did not have any idea what he was doing....
I hope to develop some coping mechanisms in working with difficult people
over time with the support from my very experienced manager. 
Maybe I need to be more blunt with them. We shall see. 

Also, I would like to start my post-qualifing course this year
to be trained as a practice assessor to assist student social workers 
on placement.  I had such a postive experience with my both placements, 
which one was in which I am working now. So I am working alongside 
my previous practice assesssor in the team. It is so true that my 
team would have over a hundred years worth of experience if I add
the years the social workers have worked so far. That is something!
I am one of the youngest in the team, just over two years in practice.

Overall, I had a very good year, professionally and personally. 
I managed to go to Taize and Cuba which I was thinking for a 
very long time. I now have quite a few stories to share. 
I look forward to what 2011 has to bring me....:)

Children's Ability

I have worked very long hours today probably 11 hours....
I saw a young person for dinner, a son of a service user who is 14 years old. 
I actually wrote the details of his mother's diagnosis, 
but I deleted as I am aware that this is a public blog. 

It was difficult at times as she did not wish to discuss her future
plans which involves not only her wishes but her two children as well. 
The elder daughter is aware of her conditions but the son 
does not know but he understands by seeing and living his mother. 
I was quite surprised how direct he was and his understanding of 
the situation as I did not have to say much for him to tell me his thoughts. 
It was such a relief as all the professionals involved his mother's 
case have been tip toeing around the matter not knowing what to do 
with her son. I think this opportunity has gave me and other rest of us a great
light to work with him. I can't express how anxious I was about him and 
but I am so glad that he has started his own process but I will find out 
whether we can help him on his journey.  

Children from the age of eight has the understand of death
and research shows that it is better to be open about it than 
to disguise it as it can confuse children. It is quite incredible to know 
how resilient they can be!

I read a brief and informative leaflet produced by 'Dying Matters' about 
talking to children about death before seeing this young man.
And the website is also very resourceful if anyone is interested 
in end of life care work. Or even for yourself, 
if you cannot avoid death why not have a good death?